


you always wanna confront me about some bullshit or get my nightly dream dick tally its 31 btw its down from the night before

by itsdave



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, M/M, Meteorstuck, Retcon Timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:55:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24589444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsdave/pseuds/itsdave
Summary: Rose asks Dave for advice.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Comments: 126
Kudos: 283





	1. Chapter 1

tentacleTherapist [TT] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]  


TT: Hello, Dave.  
TG: sup  
TT: Oh, nothing in particular.  
TG: oh damn  
TG: this is gonna be good  
TT: What do you mean?  
TT: I just said it wasn’t anything in particular.  
TG: yeah sure  
TG: but like  
TG: theres always a thing  
TT: A thing?  
TG: yeah a thing you always wanna confront me about some bullshit get my nightly dream dick tally  
TG: its 31 btw  
TT: Oh my.  
TT: Down from the night before.  
TG: yeah well i ate a buncha hot dogs right before bed i think i got it outta my system in the waking world you know  
TT: Fascinating. I’ll make a note.  
TG: but yeah my point is you never just message me out of the blue to chat or whatever you dont really do that  
TG: so the fact that youre making a point of tellin me this is about “nothing in particular” has my spidey senses perked right the fuck up rose  
TT: Maybe I’m turning over a new leaf.  
TT: Showing an interest in your day-to-day life.  
TG: ok cool well karkat and i just ate a whole mess of hot dogs  
TT: I thought that was yesterday.  
TG: naw its today too were keepin it goin its hot dog week were makin a whole thing out of it  
TT: Wow.  
TG: yeah so thats pretty much the big news over in our neck of the woods were knee deep in hot dog fest 2011  
TG: so in keeping with this new found tradition of intense sibling concern slash interest  
TG: im gonna go ahead and throw the question right back atcha  
TG: what the fuck is goin on with you rose just spit it out  
TT: I have no idea what you mean.  
TG: dude  
TG: rose  
TG: cmon  
TG: i dont wanna break out the lame armchair psychoanalysis thats your thing i would never dream of jackin your style like that  
TT: Good. That’s my whole livelihood.  
TG: great  
TT: ...  
TG: ...  
TT: On a wholly unrelated topic...  
TG: hahaha oh yeah sure hit me whats this wholly unrelated thing  
TT: Well...  
TT: ...  
TT: I was wondering if I could enlist your help.  
TG: my help  
TT: Yes.  
TG: for an unrelated thing  
TT: Exactly.  
TG: unrelated to literally just me asking if there was something you wanted to say to me  
TT: Dave, please.  
TT: I’m trying my damnedest to be graceful here, but you’re making it very difficult.  
TG: ok fine whatever  
TG: just tell me what could you possibly need my help with im curious  
TT: Okay.  
TT: Please don’t laugh.  
TG: wow with an intro like that i am not making any promises  
TT: Dave!  
TG: ok fine i promise i wont actually type out hahaha like a total asshole or anything  
TT: Thank you.  
TG: good thing were not havin this conversation face to face is all  
TT: ...  
TT: I guess that’ll have to do.  
TG: great  
TG: so cmon what is it weve been dancin around this for goddamn ever rose proms almost over is this gonna be our special night or what  
TT: Dave, that is a worryingly specific metaphor.  
TG: oh fuck  
TT: Did we go to prom _together_ , or...?  
TG: rose we can examine this later or preferably never just ask your question god damn  
TT: I need help with rhyming, alright!  
TG: ...  
TG: ok thats not exactly a question but  
TT: And while we’re just laying all our cards on the table, I suppose, rhythm, also.  
TG: what the fuck  
TG: are you  
TT: Oh my god.  
TG: rose are you writing a rap  
TT: Not a rap.  
TG: rose  
TT: A... a poem.  
TG: dude the fact that youre differentiating between the two is like a whole thing  
TT: Are you going to help me or not?  
TG: oh my ass yes  
TG: rose  
TG: are you kidding ive been training my entire life for this  
TG: this is a dream come true  
TG: thats why i stopped dreamin about so many dicks they all had to take a hike to somebody elses subconscious to make way for this  
TG: this is the one true dream  
TT: Sigh.  
TG: what are you  
TG: wait  
TG: no nevermind  
TG: thats such a stupid question  
TT: Am I to presume you were starting down the path of asking why I was choosing to write a poem for the first time in my life?  
TT: Since even weathering some _decidedly_ angsty and literary preteen years, I never once put pen to paper with that specific intent.  
TG: yeah pretty much  
TG: like who in their right mind comes out the other side of their moody rebellious i just discovered gertrude stein black lipstick earl grey mahogany armoire years and THEN decides to start scribbling poetry all over their trapper keeper  
TT: Yes, well.  
TG: but then i realized theres no way youre not doing this for kanaya  
TT: ...  
TT: Is it that obvious?  
TG: yeah it def is sorry  
TT: Welp. I’ve been found out.  
TG: yeah rose loves her girlfriend  
TG: cats outta the bag  
TT: My darkest secret.  
TG: no but seriously thats cute as hell  
TG: is there an occasion or  
TT: It’s the second anniversary of our first date.  
TG: oh shit in human years  
TT: Yes.  
TG: nice and then in two months you get to do the big one sweepiversary  
TT: Oh god, that’s right.  
TT: I don’t even know what I’m going to do for that.  
TG: not another poem  
TT: Absolutely not.  
TT: This one is destroying my soul.  
TG: hahaha  
TG: is she writing you one too  
TT: Honestly? I don’t know.  
TT: But I promised her one.  
TT: And, more importantly, I promised myself.  
TG: haha yeah i get that  
TG: you wanna see it through you dont wanna admit you suck at it  
TT: I don’t _suck_ at it.  
TT: ...  
TT: But it is proving to be much harder than I expected.  
TG: well lucky for you youre talkin to a master  
TG: what do you have so far hit me  
TT: Oh no.  
TG: what  
TT: No no no.  
TT: This is much too private.  
TG: oh god dammit  
TG: rose  
TG: are you writing fucking erotic poetry i swear to god  
TT: No!  
TT: Well...  
TG: ffs  
TT: It’s not!  
TG: sure  
TT: I swear!  
TT: But it is...  
TT: Very personal.  
TT: It’s all about how I feel about Kanaya.  
TT: Not to mention the fact that it's in a medium I’m not at all confident in.  
TG: plus its also hella sexy i bet  
TT: ...It is a little sexy, yes.  
TG: ugh  
TT: Just... help me out with some rhymes. Please.  
TG: this is so lame  
TG: but fine  
TT: Okay.  
TT: ...  
TG: are you gonna give me anything or  
TT: ...  
TG: ???  
TT: _The verdance of your flushèd cheek_  
TG: holy shit rose  
TT: What?  
TG: flushèd?  
TG: are you fucking kidding me  
TT: Oh my god.  
TT: I do _not_ need this!  
TG: no no no  
TG: im not making fun i swear  
TG: honestly if anything it shows you got a good handle on meter this is way better than i was expecting  
TT: Thank you?  
TG: just  
TG: jesus fuck rose  
TG: that is some tender shit  
TT: Uggh.  
TG: im serious its like shakespeare had that shit slow cookin all afternoon in his little thatched roof cottage or wherever he lived shit is falling off the bone  
TT: Yes, fine.  
TT: I, William Shakespeare, have been preparing my shit lovingly in a sous vide bath for hours.  
TG: what the fuck  
TT: Can you please just help me?  
TT: I really like this line but I've got absolutely nothing worthwhile to go with it.  
TG: ok ok  
TG: fine  
TG: so one thing that really helps kick a verse up a notch like an easy trick not a lot of people know  
TG: if you wanna easily fool people into thinkin you know a lot more about rhyming than you do obviously i dont need to do that but this is more a general all purpose trick  
TG: a life hack if you will  
TT: I think that I will.  
TT: If I ever hear what it is.  
TG: cool what you wanna do is find words and sounds within the line that you can rhyme  
TG: not just the final syllable  
TG: you know  
TT: Hm.  
TT: So I don’t just want to rhyme cheek.  
TG: well you do also wanna rhyme that  
TG: if theres one rhyme you really wanna stick the landing on its gonna be that one  
TG: cuz thats the one people are gonna be looking for  
TG: kanaya takes one look at your lame ass attempt to rhyme cheek with fuckin weep or somethin  
TG: shes marchin right back out that door  
TG: a single jade tear in her eye and the delicate booties she knitted you thrown scornfully in the nearest load gaper  
TT: Oh no.  
TT: I definitely can’t have that.  
TG: yeah exactly but lucky for you cheeks an easy one you got week  
TG: beak  
TG: speak  
TG: technique  
TG: chic  
TG: that one might be good  
TT: Hm.  
TG: mozambique  
TT: Yes, alright.  
TT: But evidently I also want to rhyme something else _within_ this line?  
TG: yeah you do but you can be a little more lenient there  
TG: so maybe like  
TG: the verdance of your flushèd cheek  
TG: bloop bloop blah di bop bop yeah  
TT: What is this? Are you scatting??  
TG: its a filler line cmon keep up  
TT: Oh.  
TG: since youre not givin me shit to work with  
TT: Right.  
TG: so  
TG: the verdance of your flushèd cheek  
TG: bloop bloop blah di bop bop yeah  
TG: transcendence makes me fuckin weak  
TT: Hm.  
TG: oh what are you not gonna have any SWEARS  
TT: Not necessarily.  
TT: If they fit, “swears” are more than welcome.  
TG: yeah sure  
TT: I just don’t think that line makes any _fuckin_ sense, Dave.  
TG: what it makes plenty of sense  
TT: Oh please.  
TT: Transcendence makes me weak?  
TT: Transcendence of _what_?  
TG: well id love to know actually but we dont have a second line to that verse yet  
TG: cuz someone wont fuckin show me  
TG: so right now its transcendence of bloop  
TT: Ug.  
TG: ok here  
TG: ill fill it in for you  
TT: Oh god.  
TG: feel free to draw inspiration slash flat out steal this if its better than whatever the fuck you got  
TT: ...  
TG: The verdance of your flushèd cheek,  
TG: Your lancing horns, your slammin' bod.  
TT: Jesus.  
TG: Dependence ‘pon you makes me weak.  
TG: Tis you, my dear, not I, the god.  
TT: ...  
TT: That  
TT: Was  
TG: transcendent?  
TT: No.  
TG: cmon it was a little  
TG: youre allowed to say it since i decided not to go with it in the final draft it doesnt count as plagiarism  
TT: I thought I was allowed to steal all of this.  
TG: oh yeah  
TT: What I was _going_ to say is...  
TT: That was alarmingly better than I expected.  
TG: im gonna take that as a compliment  
TT: I think you definitely should.  
TG: cool  
TT: Of course, it’s very obvious that you’re mocking me.  
TG: yeah do you feel seen  
TT: Like a _Star Wars_ prequel on opening night before the magic died.  
TG: ahahaha  
TT: No, but actually I... really like it.  
TT: If this is some kind of gross, exaggerated, funhouse mirror version of me, then...  
TT: I’m pretty happy with it.  
TG: nice  
TG: you should prolly drop the slammin bod line  
TG: i dont know what you guys get up to when youre alone but that definitely sounds more like me than you  
TG: i assume  
TT: Well...  
TG: holy shit  
TT: But honestly, slammin’ bod and brutal lambasting of my personal brand aside...  
TG: what else even is there  
TT: I’m really impressed.  
TG: oh  
TG: thanks  
TT: Do you ever...  
TT: Um.  
TG: what  
TT: Do you have experience with this?  
TG: what with rap rose what the fuck is this  
TG: man are you actually some bizarro world ghost whos never met me god dammit i knew something was off  
TT: No.  
TT: Come on.  
TT: I mean...  
TT: Romantic poetry.  
TT: Have you ever done this for Karkat before?  
TG: oh well  
TG: we do rap together a lot its kind of one of our main things  
TT: Oh my god, Dave.  
TT: That is adorable.  
TG: yeah yeah  
TG: and like  
TG: i donno  
TG: ive definitely uh  
TG: maybe done some solo projects before  
TG: with the express intent of delivering them to an audience of one  
TT: Oh my _god_.  
TT: _Dave._  
TG: i mean it looks nothing like that shit i wrote up there  
TG: dont worry im not recycling old material were not gonna get a zany situation where kanaya and karkat are comparing notes and they realize theyve both been wooed by the same dashing wordsmith or anything  
TT: Thank goodness.  
TG: yeah that hot mess is made special just for you thats a rosemary exclusive  
TG: if i whipped somethin like that out at karkat hed prolly sickle me on site assuming rightly so that we were in some kinda body snatcher type scenario  
TT: I see.  
TG: yeah my stuff for hims usually more  
TG: uh  
TT: Ironic?  
TG: well i was gonna say raw and powerful but yeah sure fine  
TT: Ha!  
TG: honestly if you want like actual real advice and not just shitty mocking romantic guidance  
TG: maybe you should ask him  
TT: Karkat?  
TG: yeah hes no slouch dude knows his way around an ode  
TG: if you know what i mean  
TT: Good heavens, Dave.  
TT: I’m blushing.  
TG: haha yeah honestly me too  
TG: cheeks are hella flushèd up in here lets just say  
TT: Pfff.  
TG: yeah so i donno maybe you should run it by him  
TG: get a fresh pair of eyes maybe another stanza to steal  
TT: I’m not stealing your stanza, Dave!  
TG: yeah well see  
TG: also hey you can get a little trollspective too for good measure  
TT: Sigh. I don’t know if I want _everyone_ on the meteor to know about my severe poetic shortcomings.  
TG: what cmon its not everyone its just karkat  
TG: and im for sure gonna be tellin him about this anyway the second we finish up here  
TT: Good lord.  
TG: yeah so why not get some good use out of it  
TG: tbh hes gonna be so pumped to help this is a dream come true for him  
TT: Even more than for you?  
TG: even more than for me  
TT: Wow.  
TG: also hes actually really fucking good at it  
TG: kanayas gonna be swoonin her horns off no problem  
TT: Hm.  
TG: ill give him a heads up i swear by the time you actually talk to him hes gonna have a slim volume of sonnets already clutched to his chest an ready to go  
TT: Haha.  
TT: Okay, I guess I’ll ask him.  
TT: It can’t be worse than beating myself over the head here on my own.  
TG: yeah thats the right attitude  
TG: and if it totally bombs which it wont but just in case it does ill keep workin on a backup for you  
TT: Thanks.  
TT: I’ll keep that in mind.  
TG: cool  
TT: I’ll let you know how it goes.  
TG: yeah you better  
TG: cuz karkats for sure gonna its up to you to tell your side of the story  
TT: Oh lord.  
TG: good luck  


tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG]  



	2. Chapter 2

tentacleTherapist [TT] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]  


TT: Hello Karkat.  
CG: HEY.  
TT: Has Dave... informed you of the situation?  
CG: OH MY GOD.  
CG: SERIOUSLY???  
TT: What?  
CG: ROSE, YOU SOUND LIKE A FUCKING SPY.  
TT: No I don’t.  
CG: YES YOU DO.  
CG: YOU’RE A SPY AND YOU’RE FUCKING  
CG: MEETING ME WITH A BRIEFCASE IN THE PUBLIC LAWNRING  
TT: Uggg.  
CG: ON YOUR VERY FIRST DAY OF SPYING BEFORE YOU FIGURE OUT THAT THAT’S A COMPLETELY STUPID FUCKING WAY TO TALK  
CG: BECAUSE EVERYONE’S GONNA BE ABLE TO TELL YOU’RE A SPY.  
TT: God dammit.  
CG: YES, MADAME PRESIDENT, IT’S THAT SHIFTY FUCKING WEIRDO OVER THERE IN THE TRENCH COAT AND GIANT HAT WHO KEEPS ASKING EVERYONE IF THEY’VE BEEN “INFORMED OF THE SITUATION.”  
CG: SHOULD I TAKE HER OUT?  
TT: Christ.  
CG: YES, I AGREE.  
CG: IT *WOULD* BE THE MERCIFUL THING TO DO.  
TT: Are you done, or should I come back in an hour?  
CG: NO, I’M DONE.  
CG: IN ANSWER TO YOUR PORTENTOUS AS ALL FUCK QUESTION, YEAH, DAVE TOLD ME YOU’RE TRYING TO WRITE A POEM AND SUCKING ASS AT IT.  
TT: Oh come _on_.  
CG: HE HAS “INFORMED ME OF THE SITUATION.”  
TT: This was a terrible idea.  
CG: WHAT??  
CG: NO!  
CG: THIS WAS AN AMAZING IDEA!  
TT: ...  
CG: WE ARE GONNA CHARM THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF KANAYA.  
CG: YOU AND ME, ROSE.  
TT: Sigh.  
TT: Well, ideally I’d like to do all the actual charming myself.  
TT: If I can help it I’d rather she not know that a veritable team has pooled its resources for her anniversary gift.  
CG: OH.  
CG: SURE.  
CG: THAT’S FINE.  
CG: I’LL BE YOUR GHOST WRITER.  
TT: Oh will you?  
CG: YES!  
CG: COME ON, LET’S DO THIS.  
CG: WHAT DO YOU HAVE SO FAR?  
CG: WHAT ARE WE WORKING WITH HERE?  
TT: Ug. This is mortifying.  
CG: WHAT??  
CG: NO!  
CG: WE’RE JUST WORKSHOPPING!  
CG: NOTHING YOU SAY HERE HAS TO LEAVE THIS CONVERSATION!  
CG: SO YOU CAN DROP THAT PIECE OF SHIT ATTITUDE RIGHT THIS FUCKING SECOND.  
TT: Wow.  
CG: I HAVE THE UTMOST RESPECT FOR ROMANCE, ROSE.  
CG: YOU KNOW THAT.  
TT: Yes, it’s a fact I’m highly aware of and have honestly always been slightly thrown off by.  
CG: WHAT?  
CG: FUCKING WHY??  
TT: No reason.  
CG: THIS IS SO GOD DAMN IDIOTIC, ROSE.  
CG: YOU CAME TO ME FOR HELP.  
CG: I’M FUCKING BEGGING YOU TO LET ME HELP!  
TT: Hm.  
CG: KANAYA IS ONE OF MY OLDEST FRIENDS.  
CG: I DON’T WANT TO SEE HER GET CRUSHED BY SOME HALF ASSED PIECE OF SECOND RATE POETRY.  
TT: Oh my god.  
CG: AND  
CG: YOU’RE MY FRIEND TOO, ROSE.  
CG: OK?  
CG: I KNOW THAT MIGHT COME AS A SHOCK.  
TT: Oh.  
TT: Well...  
TT: I suppose that doesn’t have to be _that_ much of a shock.  
CG: ALSO ACCORDING TO DAVE YOU’RE “like basically pretty much 100% my sister too”  
TT: Ha!  
TT: Does he actually say that?  
CG: YES.  
CG: A LOT.  
TT: Haha!  
TT: ...  
TT: Is Dave there right now?  
CG: NO, I KICKED HIS ASS OUT BEFORE WE EVEN STARTED.  
CG: HE’S IN CAN TOWN FINALLY DOING SOME COMMUNITY SERVICE HE’S BEEN PUTTING OFF.  
TT: Oh no. What was the crime?  
CG: PUBLIC INDECENCY.  
TT: Oh my god.  
CG: NO, IT’S NOT AS BAD AS IT SOUNDS.  
CG: HE JUST SAID FUCK REALLY LOUD NEXT TO THE SCHOOL.  
TT: Oh.  
CG: THE MAYOR’S A REAL STICKLER ABOUT STUFF LIKE THAT.  
TT: I shudder to ask, but...  
TT: How many hours of community service have you racked up?  
CG: OH JESUS FUCK.  
CG: YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW.  
TT: Don't I?  
CG: LET’S JUST SAY IF WE EVER DO GET OFF THIS GODFORSAKEN ROCK, YOU’LL ALL HAVE TO GO ON WITHOUT ME  
CG: BECAUSE I’LL BE HERE ON MY HANDS AND LEGJOINTS FUCKING SCRAPING GUM OFF OF THE BOTTOMS OF PARK BENCHES.  
TT: Haha!  
CG: BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME AND MY SORDID LIFE OF CRIME.  
TT: Hahaha!  
CG: WE’RE ON A FUCKING MISSION, LALONDE.  
TT: Oh.  
TT: I suppose we are.  
CG: YEAH!  
CG: SO COME ON!  
CG: SHOW ME WHAT YOU’VE GOT SO FAR.  
TT: Ug.  
CG: OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE.  
CG: I’M SURE IT’S NOT HALF AS BAD AS YOU THINK IT IS.  
CG: AND IF IT ACTUALLY IS, SO WHAT?  
CG: WE’LL FUCKING FIX IT!  
TT: Ouch.  
CG: OH GET OVER IT.  
CG: THAT’S WHAT WE’RE HERE FOR.  
CG: JUST SHOW ME ANYTHING.  
CG: WE CAN’T WORK WITH NOTHING.  
CG: WHICH IS WHAT YOU'VE GIVEN ME SO FAR.  
CG: A BIG FAT THROBBING PILE OF NOTHING.  
CG: I CAN’T DO SHIT WITH THAT.  
CG: JUST  
CG: GIVE ME A LINE AT LEAST.  
CG: ????  
CG: ARE YOU STILL THERE?  
CG: HELLO??  
TT: Yes, yes, I’m still here.  
CG: THIS IS LIKE PULLING TEETH.  
TT: Oh hush.  
TT: Euugh.  
TT: Here.  
TT: How about this:  
_The verdance of your flushèd cheek,_  
_Your lancing horns, your soft facade._  
_Dependence ‘pon you makes me weak._  
_Tis you, my dear, not I, the god._  
CG: HOLY SHIT.  
CG: ROSE  
CG: THAT’S AMAZING!  
TT: Sigh.  
TT: Do you really think so?  
CG: YES!  
CG: GOD DAMMIT, *THIS* IS WHAT YOU WERE ALL EMBARRASSED ABOUT??  
CG: FUCK YOU, ROSE.  
CG: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ASKING ME FOR HELP?  
TT: ...  
TT: Because I didn’t write it.  
CG: WELL THEN WHO THE FUCK DID?  
TT: You really want to know?  
CG: YES OF FUCKING COURSE I DO.  
CG: THAT’S WHY I ASKED!  
CG: I DON’T JUST GO AROUND ASKING QUESTIONS I DON’T WANT ANSWERS TO!  
TT: Dave.  
CG: DAVE WHAT?  
TT: Dave wrote it.  
CG: ...  
CG: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING SHITTING ME.  
TT: I’m afraid that I’m not.  
CG: HUFAIOJVAERVNAIVAEGAE  
TT: Oh.  
CG: THAT MOTHER *FUCKER!*  
TT: Oh dear.  
CG: THAT SON OF A **BITCH!!**  
TT: Did I just... cross some sort of line, here?  
TT: Shit.  
CG: UG  
CG: NO.  
CG: IT’S JUST...  
CG: THAT ASSHAT HAS NEVER ONCE WRITTEN ME SOMETHING EVEN CLOSE TO THAT.  
TT: Oh.  
TT: Er.  
CG: I MEAN SOMETIMES, BUT THERE’S ALWAYS GOTTA BE SOME FUCKING LITTLE SCRAP OF IRONY FLAPPING IN THE RANCID BREEZE.  
CG: SOME LITTLE SHRED OF LOL J/K JUST IN CASE I GET IT INTO MY HEAD TO TAKE HIM TOO SERIOUSLY.  
TT: Oh.  
CG: OF COURSE, *I* KNOW THAT I ACTUALLY *AM* TAKING HIM SERIOUSLY.  
CG: AND *HE* KNOWS IT TOO.  
CG: IT’S ALL PART OF THE FUCKING MORONIC DANCE.  
CG: A BIG CIRCLEJERK BUILT FOR TWO.  
TT: Um.  
CG: THE GREAT IRONIC WHEEL IN THE SKY GRINDS ITSELF INTO MOTION UNTIL IT SHUDDERS TO A HALT ONE MORE CLICK COUNTER CLOCKWISE.  
TT: I’m sorry.  
TT: I think I might have been out of line here.  
CG: NO NO.  
CG: IT’S FINE.  
CG: I MEAN, IT’S MORE THAN FINE.  
CG: I ACTUALLY REALLY LIKE THE SHIT DAVE WRITES.  
TT: Okay...  
CG: I’M SERIOUS.  
CG: IF I DIDN’T I’D BE BARKING UP THE WRONG FUCKING TREE.  
TT: I suppose you would be.  
CG: HA  
CG: YEAH  
CG: IT’S JUST  
CG: I’VE NEVER ONCE SEEN HIM *NOT* DO IT.  
CG: IT’S FUCKING WEIRD.  
TT: Oh. Well.  
TT: I’m not sure if this helps or not, but there was one part that I changed from his original.  
TT: To try to make it more my own.  
CG: YEAH?  
TT: Yes.  
TT: “Your soft facade.”  
CG: OH.  
CG: WHAT DID IT USED TO BE?  
TT: Sigh.  
TT: _Your slammin’ bod._  
CG: HAHAHAHAHA  
TT: Yep.  
CG: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH  
CG: HOLY SHIT.  
CG: YEP.  
CG: THAT SOUNDS MORE LIKE DAVE.  
CG: HAHAHA GOD DAMMIT.  
CG: IF YOU HADN'T CHANGED THAT, I *DEFINITELY* WOULD’VE KNOWN IT WAS HIM.  
TT: Yes, it’s not quite as much my style.  
TT: Also, if it makes you feel better, I’m pretty sure he only wrote this as a bizarre pastiche of his idea of what he considers to be my true poetical soul.  
CG: HM.  
TT: Or something along those lines.  
TT: I suspect this is actually his most ironic work to date.  
CG: YOU MIGHT BE RIGHT.  
CG: AT THIS POINT I’M PRETTY MUCH CONVINCED IRONY’S JUST IN HIS DNA.  
CG: IF HE CAME AT ME WITH SOMETHING LIKE THAT, I’D PROBABLY ASSUME WE WERE IN SOME KIND OF BODY SNATCHER TYPE SITUATION.  
TT: He... said something alarmingly to that same effect.  
CG: I MEAN IT’S TRUE.  
TT: Ha!  
TT: I’m sorry, Karkat. I have to ask.  
CG: OH GOD.  
CG: WHAT?  
TT: The things he writes for you...  
CG: OH NO  
TT: What are they like?  
CG: I’M NOT FUCKING TELLING YOU THAT!  
TT: Oh please.  
CG: NO, I’M SERIOUS!  
CG: IF YOU WON'T EVEN SHOW ME YOUR OWN GODDAMN POEM *YOU’RE* WRITING, THERE IS NO WAY IN *HELL* I’M GIVING YOU EVEN A WHIFF OF ANYTHING DAVE’S FUCKING WRITTEN FOR ME!  
TT: And if I do show you what I’ve written?  
CG: ...  
CG: HONESTLY?  
CG: PROBABLY NOT EVEN THEN.  
TT: Oh for god’s sake.  
CG: IT’S FUCKING PRIVATE, OK?????  
TT: Oh my.  
CG: NOT  
CG: AUUUGH  
CG: NOT LIKE THAT!!!  
TT: I’m sure.  
CG: IT’S *NOT!*  
TT: I’ll bet you could just recite it in the Can Town Elementary playground with no problem whatsoever.  
CG: WELL NO, YOU COULDN’T DO THAT.  
CG: IT’S FUCKING *RIDDLED* WITH PROFANITY.  
TT: Ha!  
CG: THE MAYOR WOULD LOSE HIS MIND.  
TT: Hahaha!  
CG: BUT IT’S...  
CG: HONESTLY, IF I HAD TO COME UP WITH ONE WORD TO DESCRIBE IT,  
CG: IT’D BE  
CG: SWEET.  
TT: “Sweet.”  
CG: YEAH.  
CG: ACTUALLY.  
CG: IT’S LIKE...  
CG: IT’S LIKE HE’S ALWAYS GOT ONE FOOT OUT THE IRONIC, PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY WINDOW...  
CG: BUT IT’S CLEARLY JUST FOR SHOW.  
CG: BECAUSE IF YOU’VE GOT ONE FOOT STICKING OUT THE WINDOW, YOU’RE ACTUALLY IN A WAY *WORSE* POSITION TO ESCAPE.  
CG: THE WHOLE REST OF YOUR BODY IS SPRAWLED ACROSS THE FLOOR INSIDE THE ROOM OF SINCERE ARTISTIC EFFORT AND GENUINE AFFECTION.  
CG: SO IF ANYTHING, YOU’VE ACTUALLY COMMITTED YOURSELF *MORE* TO BEING IN THAT ROOM.  
CG: WHILE YOUR ONE FUCKING FOOT DANGLES USELESSLY AND PERFORMATIVELY OUT IN THE BREEZE  
TT: ...That’s what a rap from Dave is like?  
CG: YEP.  
TT: That’s... kind of beautiful.  
CG: HAHA  
CG: YEAH, IT IS.  
TT: No, I mean the simile.  
CG: OH.  
TT: It had a very Dave flavor to it, honestly.  
CG: HAHA  
CG: YEAH, I THINK WE’RE BOTH RUBBING OFF ON EACH OTHER IN SOME WEIRD WAYS.  
TT: I think it’s nice.  
CG: OH  
CG: THANKS.  
TT: Sigh.  
TT: Maybe this makes no goddamn sense.  
CG: WHAT?  
TT: Crowdsourcing a heartfelt anniversary gift.  
CG: UM  
TT: It’s okay, Karkat. You don’t have to weigh in.  
TT: I’m deciding right now that it doesn’t make sense.  
CG: OK  
TT: Sigh.  
TT: I should just suck it up and write Kanaya the best god awful, questionably-rhymed, shoddily constructed poem I can muster.  
CG: YOU COULD ALWAYS WRITE HER A WIZARD STORY.  
TT: No, I can’t.  
TT: I did that last year.  
CG: HAHAHA  
CG: WELL OK THEN  
CG: TERRIBLE FROM THE HEART POEM IT IS.  
TT: I suppose so.  
CG: FOR WHAT IT’S WORTH, I THINK KANAYA WILL FUCKING LOVE IT.  
CG: *ESPECIALLY* IF IT’S A LITTLE BIT SHITTY.  
TT: God, you’re right.  
TT: She probably will.  
CG: ACTUALLY  
CG: I DON’T WANT TO GET TOO SINCERE HERE OR ANYTHING...  
TT: Oh no.  
CG: BUT  
CG: I’M REALLY FUCKING GLAD SHE FOUND YOU, ROSE.  
TT: Oh.  
TT: Um.  
CG: THAT’S IT SINCERITY OVER.  
CG: SORRY.  
CG: I KNOW YOU DON’T “DO” THAT.  
TT: Yes, well.  
TT: Dave and I _do_ have the same genes.  
CG: BLUH.  
TT: Ha.  
TT: You know, he only wrote me that one stanza, but he told me he was going to keep working on it.  
TT: In case my session with you was a complete flop.  
TT: Which I guess it technically was.  
CG: OH WHAT THE FUCK?  
CG: I FUCKING HELD YOUR HAND AND LED YOU TO THE GODDAMN DISCOVERY THAT THE SECRET WAS INSIDE YOU ALL ALONG!  
CG: I HELPED YOU LEARN THE TRUE MEANING OF LOVE *AND* FUCKING TWELFTH PERIGEE’S EVE!  
TT: Hahaha!  
CG: YOU CAN’T FUCKING PUT A PRICE ON THAT, LALONDE!  
TT: Yes, you were actually immensely helpful, Karkat.  
TT: Thank you.  
CG: YOU’RE MOTHERFUCKING WELCOME.  
TT: I’d love to see what else Dave came up with, though.  
TT: So if it’s alright with you, I’m going to tell him that talking to you was a total waste of time, and I desperately need his wordsmithing skills to save the day.  
CG: ...  
CG: ...  
CG: FINE.  
CG: I REALLY WANT TO SEE WHAT ELSE HE COMES UP WITH, WITH THIS WEIRD HUMAN SHAKESPEARE SHTICK.  
TT: Human Shakespeare.  
CG: YEAH.  
TT: That’s amazing.  
CG: ????  
TT: Thank you for all your help, Karkat.  
TT: I mean that sincerely.  
CG: YEAH YEAH.  
TT: Oh! And enjoy Hot Dog Fest.  
CG: UGG. I'LL TRY.  
CG: WE'RE ONLY THREE DAYS IN AND WE'RE ALREADY SO SICK OF THOSE GODDAMN MEAT TUBES.  
CG: THERE'S NO *FUCKING* WAY WE'RE LASTING THE WHOLE WEEK.  
TT: Not with that attitude, you're not.  
CG: BLEH.  
TT: I believe in you, Karkat. Even if no one else does.  
CG: THANKS, I GUESS.  
TT: I'll let you know how my poem goes over.  
TT: Even if I'm too mortified to actually show it to you.  
CG: I'D LIKE THAT.  
TT: Goodbye.  
CG: BYE.  


tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]  



	3. Chapter 3

_Come walk with me, my only love,_  
_Among the laboratory junk._  
_I cannot fly, nor float above;_  
_One glance from you and I am sunk._  


_Earthbound, I am, like that dumb game._  
_My powers tempered in your sight._  
_A wingèd being only in name,_  
_Devoured whole, bereft of flight._  


_And yet, ‘tis not a woeful fate,_  
_For grounded am I truly free._  
_I only ask you slow your gait;_  
_Those gams are way too long for me._  


_So trip with me, my tender heart,_  
_O’er janky test tubes intermixed._  
_I cannot see my path to chart._  
_I am, by you alone, transfixed._  


_The verdance of your flushèd cheek,_  
_Your lancing horns, your slammin' bod._  
_Dependence ‘pon you makes me weak._  
_Tis you, my dear, not I, the god._  


tentacleTherapist [TT] is trolling turntechGodhead [TG]  


TT: Dave, I don’t know what to say.  
TG: how bout wow thanks dave for savin my ass with this certified panty dropper i owe you big  
TT: ...  
TG: what too much  
TT: Possibly.  
TG: fuck  
TG: sorry  
TT: Sigh.  
TT: No, it’s okay.  
TT: I mean, the thing is...  
TT: Even with all the ridiculous ironic garbage you insisted on working in...  
TT: At an admirably strictly adhered-to rate of once per stanza...  
TT: This poem is...  
TT: Almost definitionally...  
TT: A panty dropper.  
TG: oh  
TG: uh  
TT: It’s fantastic, Dave.  
TG: i mean  
TG: its nothin special  
TG: i just imagined myself as a victorian era lesbian on a windswept moor  
TG: it pretty much wrote itself after that  
TT: Dave.  
TG: yeah  
TT: Just take the fucking compliment.  
TG: um  
TT: You’re good at this.  
TG: ok?  
TT: Okay.  
TT: And with that in mind, I’m sorry, but there’s no way I can give this to Kanaya.  
TT: She knows for a fact that I could never write something like this.  
TT: No matter how in touch I am with my inner windswept Victorian lesbian.  
TG: yeah i guess it would be kinda stupid huh  
TT: It would be.  
TT: I can’t have you Cyrano de Bergeracking my girlfriend right out from under me.  
TG: yeah i guess not  
TT: ...  
TT: Oh come on.  
TG: what  
TT: I left that one wide open.  
TT: I thought for sure you were going to go for it.  
TG: go for what  
TT: _Stealing my girlfriend out from under me._  
TG: oh god dammit rose  
TT: A golden opportunity.  
TG: gross  
TT: Down the drain.  
TG: this is horrible why do you do this  
TT: Oh please.  
TT: You’re the one who wrote a “panty dropper.”  
TG: yeah well now im really wishin i hadnt  
TT: But you did.  
TG: yeahhhhhh  
TT: And since we’re in agreement that I can’t give it to Kanaya...  
TT: Here’s an idea.  
TT: Maybe you should give it to Karkat.  
TG: what  
TG: this exact poem  
TT: Yes.  
TT: The panty dropper in question.  
TG: ok now were DEFINITELY not calling it that anymore jfc  
TT: Suit yourself.  
TG: anyway i cant just give him a secondhand poem rose thats so fucking lame  
TT: Yes, I suppose it would be.  
TG: its not even about him  
TG: shit can you imagine if i gave him a poem about his lancing horns and long legs  
TT: Ha!  
TG: wed have a murder suicide on our hands rose youd never see either of us again is that what you want  
TT: No, I don’t want that.  
TT: And you’re right.  
TT: You shouldn’t give him this exact poem.  
TT: Even if it didn’t lead to two violent horn-size induced deaths...  
TT: It would be cheap.  
TG: yeah it would be  
TT: I guess what I’m really getting at is:  
TT: Why don’t you try writing something like this for him?  
TG: what lalonde style  
TT: Dave.  
TT: I’m not going to show you what I’ve written, because I’m incredibly embarrassed by it.  
TT: But believe me when I tell you:  
TT: This is _not_ Lalonde style.  
TG: hm  
TT: This is a Dave Strider Original.  
TG: fuck  
TT: Is that really so bad?  
TG: no  
TG: i  
TG: i guess not  
TT: I think you should try it.  
TT: Tell yourself you’re doing it ironically if that’s what it takes.  
TT: Something tells me Karkat would really appreciate it.  
TG: oh god  
TG: what the fuck did he say to you  
TT: Nothing directly.  
TT: In fact he _did_ say that he “loves the shit [you] write [him].”  
TG: aww he did?  
TT: Yes, he actually did.  
TT: But...  
TT: I...  
TT: May have shown him the verse you wrote in our first conversation.  
TG: oh  
TT: And he was very impressed by it.  
TG: he was?  
TT: _Yes._  
TG: huh  
TT: Just try it, Dave.  
TT: What do you have to lose?  
TG: literally all self respect  
TG: plus karkats too  
TT: Well, I can’t speak for the writhing rap demons that reside in your tortured mind, Dave.  
TG: yeah who knows what those fuckers are thinking at any given moment  
TT: But I can virtually guarantee you that if you write something like this for Karkat, he’s going to love it.  
TG: you really think  
TT: Please, Dave.  
TT: He’s a hopeless romantic.  
TT: And you, _apparently_ , are harboring the soul of a great romantic poet.  
TG: huh  
TT: Think about it.  
TT: Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go fret over the fact that nothing in the English language rhymes with purple.  
TG: oh  
TG: just say violet  
TT: What?  
TG: purple doesnt rhyme with shit say violet instead  
TT: Oh my god.  
TG: then you can do  
TG: like  
TG: “desire it”  
TT: God _damn_ it!  
TT: ...  
TT: I might actually steal that.  
TG: yeah go for it i wont tell anybody  
TT: Thank you.  
TT: And think about what I said.  
TG: yeah yeah  
TT: Goodbye, Dave.  
TG: seeya  


tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG]  



	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first ever itsdave week with no Dave. What's the world coming to?

_I fear I lack the words to say_  
_How much you mean to me Kanaya._  
_My life has changed in every way_  
_Regardless of the Green Sun’s fire._  


_All my favorite written lines_  
_Are a radiant mix of jade and violet._  
_The way our words all intertwine_  
_I’d be a fool not to desire it._  


_But writing alone in your presence_  
_All thought of words flees from my head._  
_I’m enveloped by your iridescence_  
_Silent and happy in your arms instead._  


_The verdance of your flushèd cheek,_  
_Your lancing horns, your soft facade._  
_Dependence ‘pon you makes me weak._  
_Tis you, my dear, not I, the god._  


tentacleTherapist [TT] is trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]  


GA: Rose  
GA: I Dont Know What To Say  
TT: ...You don’t?  
GA: No  
GA: Im Speechless  
TT: Oh.  
TT: Well.  
TT: Do you think you could try to find a couple of words, at least?  
GA: Its Beautiful  
TT: Oh.  
TT: ...I suppose that is technically a couple of words.  
GA: Its Exceptional  
TT: Wow.  
TT: Do you really think so?  
GA: Yes Of Course  
GA: Its So  
GA: Raw  
TT: Raw?  
GA: Yes  
GA: And Emotive  
GA: I Can Tell How Much Of Yourself You Put Into This  
GA: Its Phenomenal  
TT: Oh my.  
TT: Um.  
TT: I have to say, this is not the reaction I was anticipating.  
GA: What Reaction Were You Anticipating  
TT: Honestly?  
TT: I thought you might hate it.  
GA: What Reason Could I Possibly Have To Hate This Rose  
TT: The fact that I’m not good at it strikes me as a decent one.  
GA: I Dont Think Thats The Least Bit True  
TT: Ha!  
TT: Thank you.  
TT: Unfortunately even with your reassurance, I still have a difficult time believing you.  
GA: Why Is That  
TT: Because... I suppose I fancy myself a writer.  
TT: I take a great deal of pride in my work.  
GA: I Know You Do  
TT: Haha!  
TT: Yes, but...  
TT: This is a style of writing that doesn’t come easily to me.  
TT: And that makes me very discomfited.  
TT: I might as well tell you it was a real struggle to get these lines down.  
GA: Yes I Think That Shows  
TT: I’m sorry?  
GA: Oh  
GA: No  
GA: That Came Out Very Badly  
GA: I Just Mean Theres A Notably Different Quality Here To Your Usual Work  
GA: Theres A Vulnerability Here  
GA: And An Honesty  
GA: Both Of Which Are Very  
GA: Alluring  
TT: Oh?  
GA: Yes  
TT: Well alright, then.  
TT: Um.  
TT: Thank you.  
GA: Is That Why You Didnt Want To Show Me This In Person  
GA: Because You Were Embarrassed  
TT: Yes, I suppose it was.  
TT: Though now that reluctance is a whole new source of embarrassment.  
TT: Ironically enough.  
GA: Ha  
TT: You genuinely like it?  
GA: Yes Of Course I Do  
TT: ...The whole thing?  
GA: What Do You Mean  
TT: I hate myself for asking this,  
TT: But.  
TT: ...  
TT: What are your thoughts on the final stanza?  
GA: The Final Stanza  
TT: Yes.  
GA: Hm  
GA: Well  
GA: Keep In Mind Im Only Saying This Because You Asked  
TT: Yes, I’m fully aware that I’m digging my own grave here.  
GA: Oh Come On  
GA: Thats A Little Dramatic For One Stanza Dont You Think  
TT: Ha!  
TT: Maybe it is.  
GA: I Think It Is  
GA: Anyway  
GA: Since Im Being Asked Specifically To Examine This One Particular Stanza  
GA: I Have To Say That It Feels  
GA: Different  
TT: Oh.  
TT: Er.  
TT: There’s a very good reason for that, actually.  
GA: Oh?  
TT: Yes.  
TT: One that I’m more than a little ashamed to admit to you.  
GA: I See  
GA: You Dont Have To Admit Anything You Dont Want To  
GA: I Think The Other Stanzas More Than Make Up For It  
TT: Wait.  
TT: What?  
GA: Oh No Rose Im So Sorry  
GA: Its Also Very Good  
GA: Im Just Afraid It Lacks Some Of The  
GA: I Guess  
GA: Passion  
GA: Of The Previous Stanzas  
TT: Oh my god.  
GA: Theres Less  
GA: Veracity To It  
GA: ...  
GA: Frankly Its A Little Overwritten  
TT: You have got to be shitting me.  
GA: Im Sorry?  
TT: Nothing.  
TT: Um.  
TT: Kanaya.  
GA: Yes Rose  
TT: Do you honestly feel that way?  
GA: Oh No  
GA: Oh God  
GA: Im Completely Botching This Arent I  
TT: No!  
GA: Im So Sorry Rose  
GA: You Put All This Heartfelt Effort In  
GA: And Here I Am  
GA: Giving You A Literary Critique  
GA: What Am I Doing  
TT: Oh my god, Kanaya, no!  
GA: No?  
TT: _No._  
TT: This is... utterly perfect.  
GA: Really?  
TT: Yes.  
GA: Im Failing To See How  
TT: Trust me.  
TT: It is.  
GA: Okay  
TT: It’s the best possible anniversary gift you could have gotten me.  
GA: I Mean  
GA: I Also Have A Real Gift For You  
TT: Oh right.  
TT: Of course.  
TT: I’m sure that actual tangible gift is lovely, too.  
GA: I Hope So  
GA: I Seem To Have Inadvertently Scored Quite A Few Points With This Poem Reception However  
GA: So Now I Dont Feel Quite As Nervous About It  
TT: Hahaha!  
TT: Where are you?  
TT: I’d really like to see you right now.  
GA: So I Can Give You Your Gift  
TT: ... _Sure_.  
GA: Oh!  
GA: Oh Well  
GA: Um  
GA: Im In Our Respite Block  
TT: Perfect.  
TT: I’m on my way.  
TT: <3  
GA: Oh!  
GA: <3  


tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]  



	5. Chapter 5

_Were I to weather all my years_  
_Alone atop a seething tower,_  
_A boundless tether to my fears_  
_Set to my very soul devour,_  


_‘Twould be enough, could I but ken_  
_Though knowledge source- and foundless be,_  
_There was a where, and was a when_  
_That you were somehow bound with me._  


_I know this because here I hold you,_  
_In the time and the place I’ve been gi’en._  
_And here my whole life’s made of gold, too:_  
_A haven in space that's been ri’en._  


_My heart overfloweth beside you._  
_So may that love transcend time and space._  
_May it reach those that it’s been denied to:_  
_My selves who have known not your grace._  


_The sanguine of your flushèd cheek,_  
_Your ochre horns, your slate facade._  
_Dependence ‘pon you makes me weak._  
_Tis you, my dear, not I, the god._  


carcinoGeneticist [CG] is trolling turntechGodhead [TG]  


CG: DAVE.  
CG: OH MY GOD.  
CG: I CAN’T BELIEVE  
CG: YOU ACTUALLY  
CG: YOU KNOW  
CG: FUCK  
CG: UM  
CG: I LOVE IT.  
CG: I MEAN  
CG: OBVIOUSLY  
CG: WHAT KIND OF FUCKING IDIOT WOULD I HAVE TO BE NOT TO?  
CG: UH  
CG: THANK YOU  
CG: FOR UM  
CG: JESUS.  
CG: I KNOW THIS PROBABLY WASN’T EASY FOR YOU.  
CG: OR I MEAN, APPARENTLY IT *WAS*, SINCE ROSE MADE IT SOUND LIKE YOU JUST WHIPPED A POEM FOR HER RIGHT OUT OF YOUR ASS.  
CG: BUT  
CG: UM  
CG: I COULD SEE HOW IT MIGHT NOT BE AS EASY FOR YOU TO DO THE SAME  
CG: YOU KNOW  
CG: FOR ME.  
CG: SINCE IT ACTUALLY KIND OF  
CG: YOU KNOW  
CG: MEANS.  
CG: SOMETHING.  
CG: OR LIKE  
CG: A WHOLE LOT.  
CG: THIS MEANS A LOT  
CG: UM  
CG: TO ME.  
CG: DAVE.  
CG: SO YOU KNOW  
CG: THANK YOU.  
CG: WAIT  
CG: ARE YOU THERE?  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK?  
CG: DAVE!  
CG: DAVE!!!  
CG: GOD DAMMIT DAVE.  
CG: ARE YOU REALLY GONNA DROP SOMETHING LIKE THIS ON ME AND THEN FUCKING GHOST ME?  
CG: I MEAN  
CG: I GUESS I GET IT.  
CG: I CAN UNDERSTAND BEING NERVOUS.  
CG: IT’S OK.  
CG: BUT IT *IS* A LITTLE FUCKING STUPID TO HIDE FROM ME.  
CG: I KNOW WHERE YOU SLEEP, ASSHOLE!  
CG: HEH  
CG: UM  
CG: DAVE, ARE YOU ACTUALLY THERE OR NOT?  
CG: TROLLIAN SAYS YOU ARE, AND IT’S GOT SOME *REALLY* SPECIFIC NOTIFICATIONS.  
CG: IF YOU WERE IN THE BATHROOM OR MAKING WAFFLES OR SOMETHING I THINK IT MIGHT ACTUALLY TELL ME.  
TG: no im here  
CG: OH!  
CG: HEY.  
TG: hey  
CG: HEY.  
TG: did you mean what you said  
CG: WHAT?  
CG: ABOUT YOU MAKING WAFFLES?  
TG: ahaha no  
CG: HA  
CG: YEAH  
CG: I KNOW.  
TG: i meant  
TG: um  
CG: I DO LOVE IT, DAVE.  
TG: oh  
CG: I MEANT THAT.  
TG: oh ok  
CG: I MEANT EVERYTHING I SAID.  
TG: cool  
CG: YEAH.  
CG: I KIND OF CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WROTE THIS.  
TG: yeah uh  
TG: me neither  
TG: i did tho  
TG: uh  
TG: just to be clear  
TG: i didnt like  
TG: steal it from gamzee or something  
CG: HAHAHA!  
CG: GOD IF YOU DID I MIGHT HAVE TO RETHINK SOME THINGS.  
TG: um  
CG: I’M KIDDING!!!  
CG: SHIT.  
CG: SORRY.  
TG: its cool  
CG: YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT MY FAVORITE PART IS?  
TG: uh yeah  
TG: sure  
TG: if you wanna  
TG: get into all that  
TG: i mean its technically your poem now  
TG: you can do what you want with it  
TG: itd be pretty fucking stupid of me to stop you  
CG: I LOVE THE LAST STANZA.  
TG: ...  
TG: oh  
CG: YEAH, YOU KNOW, THE ONE THAT YOU JUST BLATANTLY REUSED FROM THE POEM YOU WROTE ABOUT KANAYA.  
TG: oh shit  
CG: BUT YOU CHANGED A COUPLE KEY WORDS  
TG: fuck  
CG: SO IT’S TECHNICALLY ABOUT ME.  
TG: are you pissed  
CG: WHAT?  
CG: WHY WOULD I BE PISSED?  
CG: I JUST SAID I LOVE IT, YOU IDIOT!  
TG: ok but  
TG: fuck  
TG: i guess this isnt really comin across that great in text huh  
CG: YOU'RE THE ONE WHO INSISTED ON DOING THIS ONLINE, DAVE!  
TG: yeah yeah i know  
CG: I *DO* LOVE IT.  
CG: SINCERELY.  
CG: UM  
CG: (:B  
TG: what the fuck is that  
CG: THAT’S MY SINCERELY SMILING FACE.  
TG: dude you never do smileys this is a million times weirder  
CG: OH  
TG: now im sure youre being sarcastic  
CG: OH SHIT.  
TG: or just  
TG: like  
TG: having a stroke  
CG: FUCK.  
CG: I’M NOT BEING SARCASTIC!!  
TG: ok  
CG: I JUST  
CG: OK  
CG: I LOVE ALL THE SINCERE STUFF  
CG: OBVIOUSLY.  
CG: ...  
CG: BUT HONESTLY?  
CG: I KIND OF REALLY LOVE THAT YOU STILL GAVE YOURSELF THAT RIDICULOUS LITTLE IRONIC OUT AT THE END.  
TG: oh  
CG: THAT’S WHAT THAT IS, RIGHT?  
CG: IT LOOKS SINCERE  
CG: IT FITS IN WITH THE STYLE OF THE REST OF THE POEM.  
CG: BUT I KNOW  
CG: THAT YOU KNOW  
CG: THAT I KNOW  
CG: THAT YOU ACTUALLY WROTE IT FOR SOMEBODY ELSE  
CG: IN SOME WEIRD EXTREMELY CONFUSED ATTEMPT TO MAKE FUN OF SLASH SINCERELY HELP ROSE.  
CG: AM I RIGHT?  
CG: I’M PRETTY SURE I’M RIGHT.  
TG: ...  
TG: maybe  
CG: OK  
CG: YEAH  
CG: THAT.  
CG: THAT’S WHAT I LIKE.  
TG: wait  
TG: you do  
CG: OF COURSE I DO!  
CG: IT  
CG: IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU.  
TG: oh  
CG: NOT THAT I DON’T LOVE ALL OF IT!  
CG: BECAUSE I DO.  
CG: UM  
CG: A LOT.  
TG: ok  
CG: BUT I GUESS...  
CG: THE PART I LIKE BEST IS THIS PART AT THE END THAT REMINDS ME IT’S YOU WRITING IT.  
TG: oh  
CG: UM  
CG: FUCK  
CG: I’M SORRY MAYBE THIS DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE.  
TG: no  
TG: i  
TG: i think i get it  
CG: YOU DO?  
TG: yeah  
TG: i mean  
TG: i am definitely probably picking up what youre putting down  
TG: at least i sure as fuck hope so otherwise i just picked up somebody elses weird fuckin love poem interpretation  
CG: HA!  
TG: boy this is gonna be embarrassing when i get it home and take a look at it under the kitchen light and its got somebody elses name on it  
TG: wait this says kevin who the fuck is kevin and why the fuck is he sayin my scansion needs work  
CG: HAHAHA!  
TG: anyway um  
TG: im really glad you like it  
CG: I DO.  
TG: cool  
CG: COOL.  
CG: ...  
CG: YOU STILL THERE?  
TG: yeah man im still here  
CG: YOU WANNA COME BACK TO THE RESPITE BLOCK?  
TG: yeah  
TG: yeah i really really do  
CG: OK  
CG: I  
CG: REALLY REALLY WANT THAT TOO.  
TG: thats good cuz im gonna be there in like 10 seconds  
CG: WHAT?  
TG: yeah man im out in the hall  
CG: OH MY GOD.  
CG: SERIOUSLY??  
TG: yeah  
CG: YOU’RE FUCKING RIDICULOUS.  
TG: ahaha yeah i know  
CG: GOD DAMMIT  
CG: HOLD ON  
CG: HI  
TG: oh hey there you are  
TG: sup  
CG: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.  
CG: ARE YOU COMING IN OR WHAT?  
TG: yeah  
TG: yeah i definitely am  


turntechGodhead [TG] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]  



End file.
